Outgoing Message

Hello, you have reached mother.

If you need me to send money, press 1.

If you need to borrow my car, press 2.

If you wrecked your car and need me
to cosign for another car, press 3.

If you were evicted and need me
to cosign for another rental, press 4.

If you are in jail and need me to pay
your bail, press 5.

If you need me to hire a lawyer, press 6.

If you need me to secure a home equity
loan to pay for legal fees and rehab, press 7.

If you are just calling to say hello or
ask how I’m doing, I’m sorry, I didn’t
think to add an extension for that.

Have a nice day.

*

Breadwinners

I make all the money.
She doesn’t earn a penny.
That is what I told her
whenever I felt the need to
remind her of the basic facts.
My wife, mother of my children –
she gets to stay home all day.

How does she spend all her
free time? One day, I made
the mistake of asking her.

I work as a cook, housekeeper,
childcare worker, tutor, nurse,
crisis counselor, laundry worker,
driver, personal assistant…

I interrupted her there.
She didn’t stop there.

If we had to hire a cook,
housekeeper, childcare worker,
tutor, nurse, crisis counselor,
laundry worker, driver and
personal assistant to do what
I do it would cost us $150,000
per year. I do math too. Where’s
my $150,000 salary?

I stopped saying
I make all the money.

*

Todd Matson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in North Carolina, United States. His writings have been published in Feminine Collective, Salvation South, Breathe, The Clayjar Review, Agape Review, Redrosethorns, San Antonio Review, The Brussels Review, The Shallot: Journal of Mental Health, Art, and Literature; WestWard Quarterly, Mobius: The Journal of Social Change, FEED THE HOLY; Faith, Hope and Fiction; Soul Poetry, Prose & Arts Magazine; Solid Food Press, Heart of Flesh Literary Journal, Neon & Smoke, Sublimation and Epistemic Literary Magazine. He has also written lyrics for songs recorded by several contemporary Christian music artists.