Tell It To The Devil
Where’s my napkin? my grandfather asks.
It’s right there, my grandmother says.
Don’t waste that paper towel! he barks,
snatching it before it hits the trashcan.
Cut up this steak for me will ya?
Break it apart so it’s easier to eat.
Very good, Angel, he says.
Do you want $100 a month or $25 a week?
He’s putting ketchup on his cheesesteak
now. EW, WHIZ, YUCK, my mother says
about mine. You know that’s not nice.
Now I’m going to kill myself, I say.
How would you do it? he asks.
They are all so annoying. So beautiful
and alive and here with me. The dog
puts her snoot on the table, sniffing.
Get out of here, you can’t have onion,
I’m trying to keep you alive, you stupid
thing, my mother tells her. My grandfather
has only eaten a few bites of his steak.
Lately, he is eating less and less.
Was that good? I ask.
No, it is good, he says.
He lies, my mother says.
Leave him alone, I say
Yeah leave me alone, that’s right, he says.
Look at this one now, she points
to my grandmother.
It’s your turn June,
they’re gonna pick on you,
my grandfather says.
I licked my finger, not the knife!
my grandmother says.
But it’s true, you do lie like hell.
I don’t lie, he says, I tell a story.
Yeah, you change the story,
my mother says. You know
I can lie straight-faced to God.
You oughta be ashamed of yourself.
he says. You lie to the Devil,
not to God.
I tell it to the Devil,
Take them from me,
Take me away from this.
What if this could last forever?
*
Bury Your Dead
The time has now passed to bury your dead,
embrace your injured —
look no longer upon each other as people
once more.
Two months after my
Grandfather’s death, I turn off
the electricity. Change the password
on the internet. Nothing before this death
had changed for us. We were still fighting
a million little deaths: the ease of shopping trips,
going down the aisles we didn’t need anything
just to look, Chinese food delivery
and binge watching shows,
the ways we entered, one at time, our front door.
Neutral memories are their own assaults. Comfort
the toughest undoing. Why then does history remember
the retaliations and not the provocations?
The strategists and not those begging
years before the first blow for mercy?
My husband was a (failed) historian. Could
recite the names of mobsters with ease,
the fall of the Romanovs. Give the play-by-play
at the Alamo. The players
in the Second World War.
Would explain to me in depth how the intellectuals
of movements are always overpowered
by those who embrace brutality. But could not
remember the months of late bill payments
that led to me turning off the electricity
that Sunday morning.
Did not consider why the bills
were all in my name in the first place.
Would sneer at how ungrateful I was —
didn’t I see he picked to share himself with me?
As if his giving a cracked door
to his person was not a guaranteed spoil of war.
That his truest self should have always been mine.
I should not have had to beg for him
to unlock long closed-up archive rooms.
I should not have had to call up a battering ram,
an iron canon, a staff alight with fire.
Is the air stale in your dark tower?
Have you gained any vantage point
to the battles waged from the other side
of “us”? Love decays this way
in a thousand unmarked graves.
*
Holiday Noel Campanella is a multi-disciplinary writer and artist. Her work has been exhibited and sold nationally (the Smithsonian Museum, the Clay Studio, Anthropologie), published in lit mags and journals (Gigantic Sequins, Philadelphia Stories, Imposter Lit, San Pedro River Review), and is in public and private collections (the Free Library of Philadelphia, Vanderbilt Libraries Special Collections). She has a BFA from the University of Pennsylvania with the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts. You can find her online at HolidayNoelCampanella.com
