Diagnosis
Silent in straight-back chairs, my wife and I
watch the doctor review her chart.
Alzheimer’s, he says.
Then, without waiting a beat, he asks
You going to keep teaching?
His cool casualness irritates me.
I answer hot, Of course not!
He looks to her. Of course, I will.
Our car ride home, the only sound
a summer wind.
In the disquiet of our bedroom,
she brushes my arm.
Her eyes, tender and clear:
You answered
as if I wasn’t there.
Eyes closed, I see
my betrayal.
Can you forgive me?
She pauses, the dust swirls.
It will take some time, but yes.
I’m still learning to forgive myself.
*
Another Alzheimer’s Morning
In sleep, my wife speaks a language
known only to her.
The laughter in her dreams
tells me she’s still here.
I prepare coffee. Steady my doubts.
The weakness in my knees.
I command myself: steer
this ship forward.
Toward a future I cannot
imagine. Refuse to conjure.
All I need now is to love
her today.
*
Life Again
When my wife died
I was a slippery seed
waiting for the wind
to plant me
It isn’t fair, really
the luxury of time,
we rarely shared
together
Different coasts,
children, work,
the revolution, degrees,
quick meals, fast cars,
Alzheimer’s
Sometimes I scrub
a counter, iron a vest,
sweep leaves, watch
hummingbirds feed—
I hold life again
to settle me
*
Keepsakes of my Late Wife
This fall, empty as a pot,
to temper winter blues
I paint our dull kitchen
lemony yellow.
I remove her keepsakes:
the gold whistle on the wall
she blasted at Pride and protests.
The postcard of the French painting
on the fridge she didn’t need to send:
Our home is with one another.
When the walls are fresh like spring,
I stand in the doorway, imagine her
gentle nod.
Each time I leave for the day,
her whistle now on the front door
reminds me to be brave.
*
Winter Blooms, Long Beach
On the doorstep of 80, I linger more
in the view outside my window
In November, the trumpet tree, once
frail, delivers petals of delicate pink
Star jasmine invigorates
tangled green vines crowning
the wrought iron fence
I search for other miracles
Near the driveway, a purple profusion
of Jacaranda, an Amaryllis
on the brink of red explosion
I am in awe of what I’ve missed
What I have yet to see
*
Dr. Jennifer Abod is an award-winning documentary film director and broadcaster. She is a Pen Awardee for emerging poets (2025). Her poems appear in: James Crews Anthology: Love is for Everyone, ONE ART, Artemis, Persimmon Tree, Morning Writes: An anthology by Lesbians over Sixty, Spillway, Sinister Wisdom, Silver Birch Press and other publications. Dr. Abod is a former Assistant Professor of Communications and corporate media specialist. She was singer/songwriter with the New Haven Women’s Liberation Rock Band and sings Jazz when the spirit moves her.
