Don’t Think for One Instant
— After Dean Young
that I’ve never had a broken heart,
if by broken you mean counting up
all the missed opportunities. Life,
in the end, a sort of merciless
accounting: the years I might have
stayed in Madrid longer than I did
and all those missed cafés con leche—
their exquisitely whipped milk and
baritone-rich caffeine. And the hours
of morning-quiet with my husband
I could only have in that country,
as the sun slowly dripped down the air
onto the stone streets below.
And don’t think I haven’t signed on
for future travel, that I’m not on the passenger list,
right now, for a flight to Barbados, an island
that never gets hotter than 80°F and has parrot fish,
perennially turquoise-blue, like 4-foot
stained-glass windows nibbling at coral.
Why not spend a week with my husband
snorkeling and sipping tea, even if it means
finding out the African-European natives
on this previous British isle live in houses
they own on land they never will?
And don’t believe anyone who claims
I’ve never thought of a career
as a puppeteer. My husband asserts
I can anthropomorphize almost anything.
Why not name your lamp, blender, or stuffed
bear after a movie star: Bogart, Stanwick,
or Bacall? Last time I checked
the spiritual residue and pulse
of this world had no boundaries and seemed
fairly sneaky. Do we really know
what life is and who possesses it?
I consider my cat a constant ambassador
to the unknown. She looks at me
with those fierce green eyes
and I know, I know hardly anything at all.
*
Alexandra van de Kamp is the Executive Director for Gemini Ink, San Antonio’s Writing Arts Center. She has published three, full-length poetry collections, with her most recent being Ricochet Script (2022), published by Next Page Press. Her two earlier books include Kiss/Hierarchy (Rain Mountain Press 2016) and The Park of Upside-Down Chairs (2010). She has also published several chapbooks, including A Liquid Bird Inside the Night (Red Glass Books 2015) and Dear Jean Seberg (2011), which won the 2010 Burnside Review Chapbook Contest. Her poems have been published in journals nationwide, such as The Cincinnati Review, The Texas Observer, NOMAD, Denver Quarterly, 32Poems, Tahoma Literary Review, Moon City Review, and elsewhere. She has work forthcoming in Spoon River Poetry Review. In 2025, she was inducted into The Texas Institute of Letters. Learn more about her poetry at: alexandravandekamppoet.com.
