Reorganizing
Even though he knows exactly
what he wants every time,
Jesse loves browsing random
aisles. If it’s our first time
in the store, clerks shadow us
as if we’re black or homeless.
Jesse always ends up stopping
by the chips and pretzels, bending
down or reaching up and touching
different packages, tracing
his fingers lightly over the bright
labels, scrunching his face
as if he’s thinking, struggling
with a life-altering decision, finally
grabbing the biggest bag of Extra
Spicy Doritos. If the clerk starts
to say something, I’ll tell Jess
it’s time to go, mention our next
planned stop, but sometimes
he’ll move his face real close
to mine, give me those widened,
pleading blue eyes and say
Re Or Gon NIze
In a sing song tone. I’ll hang
my arm around his shoulder
as Jesse hums some homemade
melody and aligns the remaining
pretzels, crackers and chips
in straighter lines, a more perfect
order, propped closer to the front
of the shelf, easier for customers
to view, choose. I try to ignore
the clerk when he changes
his posture, moves his hands
and makes impatient sounds.
When he walks away, satisfied
Jesse won’t steal or damage
anything, I think about my place.
Anything left in the fridge worth
eating? Maybe time for a new
mattress, a new frying pan?
At 72, do I need to install a steel
bar to grab when stepping in,
out of the tub? Should I begin
getting rid of the CDs I’ll never
play again, and that bookcase
by the door, stocked with journals
and all my published poems?
Will they wind up left on the curb
like my shoe boxes full of baseball
cards and gold-plated trophies
of figures cast in batting stances
when I moved out of my parents’?
Probably time to find a lawyer
specializing in people like Jesse,
set up a special fund for him
that won’t affect, take away,
the SSI/Medicaid benefits
that provide the support staff
he will need as long as he lives.
*
Tony Gloeggler is a life-long resident of NYC who managed group homes for the mentally challenged for over 40 years. Poems have appeared in Rattle, New Ohio Review, Vox Populi, The Raleigh Review, Chiron Review. His collection, What Kind Of Man with NYQ Books, was a finalist for the 2021 Paterson Poetry Prize and his new book Here On Earth came out 1/26 on NYQ Books.
