Poem Written in Christianese on the Occasion of My Spontaneous Abortion
I am covered in the blood of Jesus
and my inner thighs are covered in the blood
of my uterus from the spiritual warfare in my womb.
I held the idea of my child like a mass of bubbles in a bath
but He only washes with living water.
Thank God for this reminder to look for the supernatural
in the ordinary like pee stick tests, wand ultrasounds, pills
that dispel tissue, to not dwell in my seething
but His omniscience and omnipresence and omnipotence
even when the medical scientific facts were ominous.
If grief is an internal burn then I am on fire for the Lord!
Please make every vice grip of false labor a prayer
to forgive my vices, let this blood too cleanse me from sin.
I trust in His Word because fear is binding—
I am as free from bondage as I am empty,
more sanguine with each stick and unstick of my pad.
The Holy Ghost is with me as I wrestle my body, shed
my own flesh. I am made in his image, bleeding for my children
grateful to trade my trauma as currency for salvation.
God has a plan and it’s the perfect plan so
I embrace the circle of thorns wringing this leftover life
while I wait for my tomb to empty.
*
Melissa Holm Shoemake lives in Atlanta, GA with her husband and two sons where she works in college administration at Emory University. She holds an MFA in poetry from the University of Mississippi and her poems have appeared in various journals and anthologies including The Southern Humanities Review, The Shore, Harpur Palate, Iron Horse Literary Review, The Southern Poetry Anthology and Best New Poets 2024. Her chapbook, Ab.Sin.The. is available from Dancing Girl Press.
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This is so powerful in its bitter, sweet, and sorrowful. Struck by the use of “spontaneous abortion” rather than the not so subtle nip of blame/failure that goes with “miscarriage.” I hear you.
Wow!!!
Love all the “oms” and the tone here. Sharp poem.