Lying Is a Feeling
after Julian Comeau
I wake up & feel worse,
text my friends with compliments
to make them blush,
& fill me with some sugar I can’t
otherwise touch. I let my body vacillate
between oppressive heat & canned cold
of A/C. Shifting sensation to distract
from the gurgling vibrations,
the sick feeling no doctor seems to understand.
Two years into it & I think all we can wish for are blankets
of decadence over every day’s little death.
I’ve started drinking Coke again,
when I get out of the pool the sweetness
in harmony with the heat.
I guess in the end I’d rather we all burn
then take off our clothes & crawl
into some hollow of ice to dream of the sun & die.
& am I worth the effort? No one wants
to hear maybe we’d be more useful dead,
so concerned with themselves. I’m concerned
about you, plural. All I want is to be taken care
of, each touch, each live nerve a marvel.
Until then, I’ll fold in you in close.
Just let me love you, this flame bright at the end of a match.
How many people died so I could eat my breakfast
in the plastic Adirondack chair in the yard
of the perfectly good neighborhood of the house
we can afford to rent but never to own?
I’m not even depressed right now;
sometimes I just can’t lie anymore.
My kid sings to herself,
Lying is a feeling.
Lying is a feeling.
Whether she means collapsing flat or untruths,
I don’t know, but the words in her voice shimmer,
light reflecting off a glass.
In my headphones, he sings,
I’m sorry I’m a downer.
I’m a mess now; it’s true.
Searching for a feeling
& the feeling is you, I sing,
replacing his fourth line.
When I search for sugar
to flood me, I’m searching for a feeling.
When my love unfolds
to the edge, lying is a feeling.
When my existence seems heavier
than my use, I’m searching for a feeling,
(lying is a feeling,)
& the feeling is you.
*
Elizabeth Deanna Morris Lakes was born in Harrisburg, PA and has a BA in Creative Writing from Susquehanna University and an MFA from George Mason University. She has appeared in The Rumpus, Cartridge Lit, Gulf Stream Lit, Crab Fat Magazine, and SmokeLong Quarterly. Her book, Ashley Sugarnotch & the Wolf, is out from Mason Jar Press.
