Poem In Which I Bleed
for the first time at 13, at that charismatic church
up that gravel road in that rural Appalachian town
during youth group, with the four of us teens,
our fathers the church’s only deacons. I fled
the purple carpet & purple padded chairs
& purple banner with El Shaddai & a dove
hand-stitched & locked myself in the women’s room
with red & red & red. I thought to use my sock,
as I’d read in some preteen magazine, but I looked down
& saw my Old Navy flip flops. Some wadded up
toilet paper would have to do. In the sanctuary, I sat
cross-legged for an hour, stealing glimpses
at Jesus’ portrait, the blood dripping down his brow
from every thorn, as I squeezed my thighs
until they were sore. At home, I threw the soiled garment
in the trash. When I confessed to mom
she rescued the panties & scrubbed them
in the tub. Scolding me, for in that house
wastefulness was the darkest stain & blood
was how we were cleansed like snow.
*
When a Friend Tells Me I Look Beautiful Because I’ve Lost Weight Due to Prolonged Illness
Many things wither away—
a scorched tomato plant,
an orchid never watered,
a worm on hot cement,
a slug when salted,
a tire riddled with nails,
a balloon with a hole in its skin,
the runt kitten unable to suckle,
a miscarried twin.
They are beautiful too.
They remind me I’m not alone
in my diminishing.
*
Bethany Jarmul is an Appalachian writer and poet. She’s the author of a poetry collection, Lightning Is a Mother and a mini-memoir, Take Me Home. Her work has been published in many magazines including Rattle, Brevity, and Salamander. Her writing was selected for Best Spiritual Literature 2023 and Best Small Fictions 2024, and has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, The Best of the Net, Best Microfiction, and Wigleaf Top 50. Connect with her at bethanyjarmul.com or on social media: @BethanyJarmul
