It Takes a Minyan
When Seth Berman recruited me
for the midday minyan at work,
fifteen minutes set aside at noon,
I felt honored to participate.
Not a particularly observant Jew,
still it made me feel virtuous,
the choreography of devotion,
reciting the prayers in a group,
a meditative oasis in the middle of the day,
but I especially relished being welcomed
as a member of the club.
The agency granted us use
of one of the myriad conference rooms
in our sprawling office building.
I looked forward to the impromptu service,
stored a kippah and a prayerbook in my desk.
One day we could only muster nine,
all of us milling around Room 502
as if waiting for an airline boarding announcement.
When I saw Sheila Rosen walking down the corridor,
kosher casual in headscarf and shin-length skirt,
I suggested she could complete our minyan,
but Modern Orthodox Seth frowned.
“Isn’t there anyone else we can ask?”
“Bernie’s at his usual pinochle game in 505,”
Ben Lippman suggested, nodding across the hallway.
I went across the corridor, knocked on the door,
whispered in Bernie’s ear.
“Hold my beer,” Bernie Netzer told his mates,
only too glad to perform this mitzvah.
I looked around the table at the other three,
cards fanned in front of their faces, a can of coke
at Roger Strickler’s elbow. Just an expression, of course.
Later, when I saw Sheila schlepping a sheaf of papers
into her boss’s office, like a sacrificial offering,
I felt as if I’d been part of a conspiracy
to exclude her from our community.
*
Identifying Wildlife
“See anything this morning?” the young man asked.
We’d just come across one another,
walking the wooded path by the Stony Run creek,
coming from opposite directions.
“Might have seen a red-bellied woodpecker,”
Abby offered, tentatively.
“The ducks are over in the pond,” I gestured.
Mid-December, not a lot of wildlife about.
“We wondered if we were going
to run into you,” the man went on.
The girl he was with laughed.
“That sounds creepier than it was,
but we did have that conversation!”
We all laughed at that,
made jokes about stalkers.
Then we wished each other a good day,
and we all continued on our way.
“Did you recognize either of them?”
Abby asked in a low voice
a minute later.
“Not sure,” I confessed.
“Maybe we saw them a while ago?
They knew we were birders, after all,
and we didn’t have our binoculars with us.”
*
Re-Imagine
I keep hearing the word –
“re-imagining” the news, “re-imagining” Shakespeare,
“re-imagining” your life.
A whole new promotional gimmick,
buzzword du jour.
It makes me think of the toilet paper package
that says one roll lasts one week.
How can you even say that?
How many people are using it?
How many squares a tear?
Can you really measure toilet paper in terms of time?
Re-imaging toilet paper.
Which also reminds me of the cancer patient
given six months to live.
“Re-imagine” your life.
What was that TV show with Ben Gazzara?
Run for Your Life.
A terminally ill patient tries to make the most
out of the two years he has to live.
A pretty sketchy premise for a character as fit as Gazzara –
the character’s name was Paul Bryan, an attorney –
but I was in high school when it aired,
and I probably watched every episode
of its three-year run.
Bryan was given no more than 18 months to live,
which you always heard the doctor say
in a voiceover at the start of each episode,
though the show ran for 86 episodes –
87, if you count the pilot.
Which makes me think of the “permanent” crown
I got for a lower right molar in 2018,
which popped out of my mouth in 2022.
For some impenetrable insurance reason,
I could only get a “temporary” crown
until I was eligible for a “permanent” one
a few months down the road.
I’ve been re-imaging my teeth ever since,
re-imagining dental insurance, too.
*
The Sound of the Struggle
“It means the sound of the struggle,”
my father told me when I asked
if our German surname had a meaning.
Kampf, as in Hitler’s Mein Kampf. His struggle.
I always saw our name
as a wave coming in to shore,
the curl of the r, the undulant m’s,
the finality of the p lapping the beach.
But he also hinted at another,
less salubrious meaning,
becoming vague, evasive, when pressed.
We settled on “the sound of the struggle,”
left it at that.
But years later, browsing through a bookstore,
I found a book called
International Dictionary of Obscenities,
a guide to dirty words and indecent expressions –
Spanish, Italian, French, German, Russian.
I came upon the word “rammeln”:
“to screw, copulate with [‘to buck, rut’]”
and a lightbulb went off in my head.
“Nuptial chambers,”
my linguistic friend Marcus confirmed,
and I thought, more along the lines
of farm animals in a field – a camp –
“rammen” the German for “ram.”
But when we visited distant cousins
in Nordhorn, Germany, they took us
to a small creek that formed a border with Holland
On one side of the Rammelbeek River,
Germany, on the other, the Netherlands.
“This is the source of the family name,”
Dietmar asserted with confidence,
and who was I to disagree?
I wasn’t going to fight it.
*
Charles Rammelkamp is Prose Editor for BrickHouse Books in Baltimore. His poetry collection, A Magician Among the Spirits, poems about Harry Houdini, is a 2022 Blue Light Press Poetry winner. A collection of poems and flash called See What I Mean? was recently published by Kelsay Books, and another collection of persona poems and dramatic monologues involving burlesque stars, The Trapeze of Your Flesh, was just published by BlazeVOX Books.
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