What We Hold Onto by Eileen Moeller

What We Hold Onto

Not the high-heeled shoe Mother.

The barefoot Mother soaking her
aching feet at night after work.

Mother who did what she had to do.

Not the diet thin Mother.

The cushiony plump Mother
you squeezed from behind
as she stood at the stove.

Mother whose body was beautiful.

Not the whiskey sour Mother.

The coffee cup Mother who
laughed at her own jokes,
so hard it made you laugh,
whether you got them or not.

Mother who skirted depression.

Not the Chrysler Imperial Mother,
helped by mysterious men.

The feisty Mother who told
creditors, Listen, you can’t
get blood from a stone.

Mother who cut deals.

Not the screaming Mother
who could have been in
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

The singing mother, who made
long rides, looking out the window,
something we begged for.

Mother who taught transcendence

Not the fast asleep Mother,
when you were getting ready for school.

The sewing Halloween costumes Mother,
who made you a Dutch girl, a Gibson girl,
Mary in blue and white robes,
the sewing Easter outfits Mother,
who got dressed up and took us
to mass once a year.

Mother who took breaks from herself.

Not the tell-you-too-much Mother.

The aproned Mother who seemed
to be without secrets, who told
funny stories about the neighbors
as if that was all she cared about.

Mother big as a moon, waxing and waning.

Not the breast cancer Mother
who froze like a deer in the headlights.

The survivor Mother who fought for
a longer life, the hopeful Mother
who could see her burdens lifting.

Mother of need, who needed mothering.

*

Eileen Moeller lives in Medford, New Jersey with her husband Charlie. Originally from Paterson NJ, she has lived in many places, including Central NY, where she earned an M.A. in Creative Writing from Syracuse University. Her poems have appeared in numerous literary journals and anthologies. She has four books: Firefly, Brightly Burning, Grayson Books 2015; The Girls In Their Iron Shoes, Finishing Line Press, 2017; Silk City Sparrow, Read Furiously Inc. 2020; and Waterlings, Word Tech Communications Inc. 2023. A fifth book, Still Life with Towel and Sand, will be released later this year by Kelsey Books. Her blog is: And So I Sing: Poems and Iconography.