Instructions for the Morning After the Terrible Haircut by Gloria Heffernan

Instructions for the Morning After the Terrible Haircut

First, do not look in the mirror
until after you have had your coffee.
Everything looks better after coffee.
When it still does not look better,
do not drink a second cup of coffee.
It will not make your hair grow faster,
and it will make you jittery while wondering
if anyone would find it odd
if you showed up at work
wearing a bee-keeper’s hood.

Next, go to your jewelry box and take out
the largest pair of earrings you own—
the ones with peacock feathers and beads
to draw attention away from the terrible haircut.
Then dig out the tube of red lipstick
you bought last New Year’s Eve and swore
you would never wear again
because it made you look like a clown.
Nothing distracts from a terrible haircut
like a crimson neon sign across your face

Before heading out the door,
sit still for a little while
and listen to the morning news.
No, I mean really listen.
Then go back and wash your face.
Return to your usual
understated silver earrings.
Be thankful that this morning,
a terrible haircut
is your biggest problem.

*

Gloria Heffernan’s Exploring Poetry of Presence (Back Porch Productions) won the 2021 CNY Book Award for Nonfiction. She received the 2022 Naugatuck River Review Narrative Poetry Prize. Gloria is the author of the collections Peregrinatio: Poems for Antarctica (Kelsay Books), and What the Gratitude List Said to the Bucket List (New York Quarterly Books). Her forthcoming chapbook, Animal Grace, was selected for the Keystone Chapbook Series. Her work has appeared in over 100 publications including Poetry of Presence (vol. 2). She teaches poetry at Syracuse YMCA’s Downtown Writers Center and on Phillis Cole-Dai’s Substack platform, The Raft. To learn more, visit: www.gloriaheffernan.wordpress.com.