What I’m Thinking About this Morning by Valerie Bacharach

What I’m Thinking About this Morning

That I have outlived my younger son.

That when I rise, the tendon
or ligament or muscle
behind my left knee hurts,
which makes me think about my mother
and her arthritic knees.

That the holidays hold too many memories, too many ghosts.

That my older son has outlived his brother,
and I worry about his grief,
but don’t ask because then he worries
about mine, and my husband
doesn’t ask because he too worries.
All this unshared grief
will crush us, flatten us,
so we move in quiet shadows
around each other.

That I am so tired, even after sleeping through the night.

That my husband moans
in his dreams, despairing,
searching for ways
to alter time,
bend it,
plant a different ending.

*

Valerie Bacharach’s book, Last Glimpse, will be published by Broadstone Books. Her chapbook After/Life will be published by Finishing Line Press. Her poem Birthday Portrait, Son, published by the Ilanot Review, was selected for inclusion in 2023 Best Small Fictions. Her poem Shavli has been nominated for Best of the Net 2023 and a Pushcart Prize by Minyan Magazine. Her poem Deadbolt has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize by RockPaperPoem.